A Hard Days Night: More like Fab BORE, am I right

The Beatles did it first. Mention just about anything in terms of music and that's often what you'll hear. Like it or not, The Beatles are one of the most influential bands in history, inventing tried-and-tested formulas that are still used to this day. Something that's substantially more debatable, however, is if all of these inventions have been entirely beneficial to music. A Hard Days Night: The Film, is a bizarre creation made solely to promote an album. But does it have any credibility on its own? That depends on how strong your rose-tinted glasses are.

Not even the Upper Class Twit of the Year contest featured this much Tomfoolery.

A Hard Days Night is unique in that it has virtually zero plot. The Beatles get picked up at a concert, do silly things, then do another concert, do more silly things, then do another concert. Credits. There are some loose nods to some kind of continuity and story arc, the band teasing Ringo and Paul's Granddad being unusually clean (?), but the film could literally be played backwards and it would be exactly the same film. Music videos have more of a story than this. And I understand that that's all this really is, a 90 minute music video, but does that really sound that appealing when you think about it?

The movie is meant to be real, so it's shot like a documentary, with lazy camera angles and an unnecessary black and white rendering. The trouble is, nothing goes far enough in its execution to be truly entertaining. No one in this film can act, so nothing ever seems spontaneous, or even fun. The lazy, albeit original at the time, docu-style means the film can't be enjoyed from an artistic standpoint. And the terrible writing leads to me not even finding The Beatles likable half the time.

Look, I love The Beatles, just like you probably do. But let's be honest here. A Hard Days Night is tripe. We need to stop looking at it as 'thing The Beatles did' and look at it as 'film that was actually made for people to pay actual money to see', and maybe things'll seem a bit clearer. I get the lovable rogue thing and I get the mindless innocent fun thing. If you want to watch a lovable rogue, watch Big Nothing. If you want to see mindless innocent fun, watch Airplane!. But there is nothing about A Hard Days Night that makes it enjoyable to watch. Nothing.

John Lennon can mend wars, but not crappy movies. We are learning the extent of his powers. But hey, at least there aren't any terrible, pandering movies about music acts today, right?

Well, yes, but that was a long...

Okay, fine, but he's different. He's got a more specific audience. There isn't someone with true worldwide appeal that...

...bugger.