The Five Women You Meet in Comedy

It's an improving time for women in films. Good? Ehh, that might be a stretch. But improving. Look at comedy films, for example, and you'll see women, who were once treated as pretty little numskulls obsessed with sex, to be pretty damn respectable. Gone are the days when Barbara Windsor's bikini would spring loose, sailing through the air like it's received a distress call from it's home planet, and plop into the hands of a boggle-eyed Kenneth Williams, while the audience literally soil themselves laughing at some other stuff no competent human being thinks is sodding funny. Nope, nowadays, you could almost see women in comedy films as something of a role model. They're tough, independent, loving, thoughtful, carefree, cunning, seductive and secure. But there's one thing women aren't being enough of, and it persistently bothers me that they are rarely written in such a way; they aren't funny.

There are exceptions, obviously. There are terrific films where women are both the stars and the primary source of comedy. And actual comedy, not 'funny because lady thing I'm not familiar with lol' funny. Bridesmaids, for example. Mean Girls. Hell, even the Sex and the City Films. But considering how many comedy films there are, it is far too low a percentage to be down to coincidence or talent. Why? Why is it that the stereotype that 51% of the world’s population can’t tell a good one-liner now and then, has transferred itself onto Hollywood?

It's disappointing, continuously seeing the female lead relegated to being the brick wall the male lead hurls joke after joke at. Which brings me to the reason I’m here typing passive-aggressively today. It’s my solemn duty to present the five types of women that appear in comedy films, each one as consistently unfunny as the next.
1.The Love Interest. Usually seen in teen comedies and your typical rom-coms, these flawless beauties exist only to be drooled at by the (usually nerdy) main male character, and occasionally to tell said main character what a slob/jerk/friend he is.
Language Used: Interrogatives, to ask the hero to parties he’s too nervous to attend, tag questions, to emphasise her air head-edness, and negative politeness.

2. The Voice of Reason. Often an old friend of our hero, she is always at hand to disapprove of any fun being had, with a chance of pretending to be Mr. Hero’s girlfriend to make Love Interest jealous.
Language Used: More declaratives, mostly because she's mean and naggy, plus a meaty dose of complex sentences to confuse and bore dumb, relate-able man, and by proxy, the audience.

3. The Manipulative Cheater. This seems to be the only way Hollywood knows how to make a woman the bad guy. She will use her charms to ruin Joe McEveryman’s life, and usually wind up getting publicly humiliated, making us all feel good about ourselves.
Language Used: Imperatives, to display her promiscuous power, as well as a bit more taboo language than typically expected for a female comedy role, because women that swear a lot shouldn’t be trusted.

4. The Old Lady That Talks About Sex A Lot, Because Ew, Old People. 
Sigh.
Language Used: So. Much. Taboo language.

5. The Bad Ass. 
The lesser of five evils, she at least is able to provide entertainment, simply by not taking the sh*t the other four do. But even she isn't immune from the tidal wave of melancholy, eroding at Hollywood like a plague of fantasist misogyny disguised as empowerment, dressing in barely-there attire, using any body part in her arsenal to dispose of her enemies. And a hair swish or two never goes amiss.
Language Used: Often doesn’t say much to add to the cool persona, but if she does speak, it’s usually in  compound sentences. Furthermore, declaratives are used, as Hollywood always presents this stereotype as someone needing to either prove themselves or have revenge, so don’t be surprised to find her shouting monologues to nobody in particular.

Maybe one day, women will be the stars of comedy films for actual comedy purposes, and it won’t be such an innovative thing. But for now, I guess we should be grateful we’re past the days where women were the punchline. Now they’re just...a line.