Thursday 29 August 2013
Brooker T: 2012
Remember 2012? Shut up, no you don't. Well today is your lucky day! Here to fill you in like a passive aggressive history book is Charlie Brooker, showing you how miserable 2012 was. I realise 59 minutes is a long time to sit through a video some tosser threw at you, but I assure you, you will hate the world a little more, and thus feel better about yourself, if you do.
Monday 26 August 2013
Mitchell Monday: Emotional Intelligence Quiz
Today, something slightly different from your typical video that's all about telling you how to think. Today, Mr. Mitchell lets you decide for yourself what kind of person you are, with a little quiz based on everyday, somewhat awkward scenarios. There are official answers, but I find it's more fun to draw your own conclusion from the results. That way, no one can accidentally look over your shoulder and see your computer screen tell you you're a complete tosser.
Sunday 25 August 2013
Brooks and Liars: American & British Newscasters
In the second of what I guarantee will not be a regularly scheduled series, we're examining how Mr. Charlie Brooker sees the world of media. Today, we're looking at American and British news shows. I picked this because A, I love a good Britain vs. America battle, and B, Bill O' Reilly is as likable as he will ever be in this video.
As pointed out in the comments section, the greatest part of the video is the singer that claims the good ol' US of A would "be speaking German and living under the flag of Japan". That's all well and good, but what about when the Commie Nazi's invade. Break-neck speed won't be enough to save you this time!
As pointed out in the comments section, the greatest part of the video is the singer that claims the good ol' US of A would "be speaking German and living under the flag of Japan". That's all well and good, but what about when the Commie Nazi's invade. Break-neck speed won't be enough to save you this time!
Wednesday 21 August 2013
Paul: Autopsy-turvy
When looking for famous and successful partnerships in film, there are a lot that come to mind. De Niro and Scorsese. Russel and Carpenter. Friedberg and Seltzer. And one of the more recent additions to that famed list is the comedy duo of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. And they certainly have valid reason to be so renowned. The combination of Spaced and the Cornetto Trilogy have made it a shoe-in that they will enter the comedy hall of fame that I just dreamed up. NO GO AWAY MIRANDA, NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE.
There's something important that needs to be acknowledged, however. All of those ships were captained by the great Edgar Wright, who has proven his success rate goes beyond his Brit-happy bread and butter with the superb Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. In turn, Pegg and Frost made a film without their famed director. That film is Paul, the 2011 film with a director that goes by the name of Greg Mottola. Nope, me neither. But he has a decent record of directing comedy, with Superbad and some episodes of Arrested Development under his belt. So does this intrepid sci-fi adventure match the dizzying heights set by its genre busting spiritual predecessors?
Hahaha, not even close.
The overall story for Paul reeks of self-indulgence, a script written by two nerds bringing their boyhood fantasy to life because they're rich and important enough to do so. Which I wouldn't mind so much, if it hadn't cost 40 million dollars to make, an astounding ten times more than it cost to make Shaun of the Dead. And I'm not stretching to hyperbole with that teenage nerd analogy, this film has it all. Gratuitous sexy cosplay, too many jokes to mention where a curse word is the punchline, poop humour, genital cracks, some EDGY~~ shots at Christianity's expense, Sigourney Weaver complete with Alien references, the works. It's cringe-worthy, not necessarily because of how bad it is, there are certainly worse stories out there, but because of how blatantly they sacrifice good humour and character development, in favour of fulfilling their own geeky desires. It's almost as if this was never meant for worldwide release, and was just something for Pegg and Frost to bust out at parties to impress friends that aren't really friends. "Oh, that's cool news about your new Audi your mum bought you Chad Hogan, but I met Jason Bateman, and here's the movie to prove it! Bada boom, coolest guys in the room! Now, who wants to see my Scotty outfit?"
Even the performances are reminiscent of some lame sitcom plot about adults humiliating themselves to keep the hopes and dreams of the wide eyed, smart-ass kid alive. I was half expecting Superman and the Holiday Armadillo to show up at various points. Pegg and Frost act like a couple of college kids with a video camera, pissing about in their dad's motorhome, screaming and making silly faces for the camera. There is the odd moment when Bateman appears to stray from his - albeit very well played and successful - one note style and look like an actual villain, but he swiftly returns to looking and acting like regular Jason Bateman, only a bit constipated and his eyes hurt. I feel genuinely sad for Kristen Wiig, who probably gets both the worst character and the worst dialogue in the film, especially sad when knowing what a talented screenwriter she is, she likely could have whipped the script into something decent in half an hour or so. Seth Rogen is Seth Rogen, in a time when he was at his most over-saturated in the movie business, his voice is likable enough, I guess, but doesn't add too much character to Paul, since all you can think when he talks is 'I wonder how much Seth Rogen got paid for doing this'. Really, the only performance I seriously enjoy is Sigourney Weaver, who's on screen for a total of one 10 minute scene before being squished by a UFO. I'll admit, it is pretty cool seeing her in a sci-fi flick again, referencing Alien in a subtle-ish way while still being a badass in her own right. That's the kind of nerd fan service this film should have had throughout, instead of toilet humour and "Star Wars, amiright" moments that people that have never even watched Star Wars could come up with. The only clever moment in the entire film is when Paul reveals he's been the brains behind every sci-fi film ever, but it's over so quick you barely have time to appreciate it. If only he'd beseech-ed some of his expertise onto this sci-fi deflation.
How do you get a movie full of people I love (seriously, I love every actor here in pretty much everything else they've ever done) and have me not enjoy it? Easy. Be lazy. Paul might never have lived up to the expectations of the Edgar Wright movies, but it could at least have been a fitting tribute to sci-fi enthusiasts everywhere, and not just enforcing a suit and cool guy's interpretation of what a nerd is.
What happened to you, Simon? You used to not be cool.
There's something important that needs to be acknowledged, however. All of those ships were captained by the great Edgar Wright, who has proven his success rate goes beyond his Brit-happy bread and butter with the superb Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. In turn, Pegg and Frost made a film without their famed director. That film is Paul, the 2011 film with a director that goes by the name of Greg Mottola. Nope, me neither. But he has a decent record of directing comedy, with Superbad and some episodes of Arrested Development under his belt. So does this intrepid sci-fi adventure match the dizzying heights set by its genre busting spiritual predecessors?
Hahaha, not even close.
 |
| "Only human...and some iffy CGI." |
The overall story for Paul reeks of self-indulgence, a script written by two nerds bringing their boyhood fantasy to life because they're rich and important enough to do so. Which I wouldn't mind so much, if it hadn't cost 40 million dollars to make, an astounding ten times more than it cost to make Shaun of the Dead. And I'm not stretching to hyperbole with that teenage nerd analogy, this film has it all. Gratuitous sexy cosplay, too many jokes to mention where a curse word is the punchline, poop humour, genital cracks, some EDGY~~ shots at Christianity's expense, Sigourney Weaver complete with Alien references, the works. It's cringe-worthy, not necessarily because of how bad it is, there are certainly worse stories out there, but because of how blatantly they sacrifice good humour and character development, in favour of fulfilling their own geeky desires. It's almost as if this was never meant for worldwide release, and was just something for Pegg and Frost to bust out at parties to impress friends that aren't really friends. "Oh, that's cool news about your new Audi your mum bought you Chad Hogan, but I met Jason Bateman, and here's the movie to prove it! Bada boom, coolest guys in the room! Now, who wants to see my Scotty outfit?"
Even the performances are reminiscent of some lame sitcom plot about adults humiliating themselves to keep the hopes and dreams of the wide eyed, smart-ass kid alive. I was half expecting Superman and the Holiday Armadillo to show up at various points. Pegg and Frost act like a couple of college kids with a video camera, pissing about in their dad's motorhome, screaming and making silly faces for the camera. There is the odd moment when Bateman appears to stray from his - albeit very well played and successful - one note style and look like an actual villain, but he swiftly returns to looking and acting like regular Jason Bateman, only a bit constipated and his eyes hurt. I feel genuinely sad for Kristen Wiig, who probably gets both the worst character and the worst dialogue in the film, especially sad when knowing what a talented screenwriter she is, she likely could have whipped the script into something decent in half an hour or so. Seth Rogen is Seth Rogen, in a time when he was at his most over-saturated in the movie business, his voice is likable enough, I guess, but doesn't add too much character to Paul, since all you can think when he talks is 'I wonder how much Seth Rogen got paid for doing this'. Really, the only performance I seriously enjoy is Sigourney Weaver, who's on screen for a total of one 10 minute scene before being squished by a UFO. I'll admit, it is pretty cool seeing her in a sci-fi flick again, referencing Alien in a subtle-ish way while still being a badass in her own right. That's the kind of nerd fan service this film should have had throughout, instead of toilet humour and "Star Wars, amiright" moments that people that have never even watched Star Wars could come up with. The only clever moment in the entire film is when Paul reveals he's been the brains behind every sci-fi film ever, but it's over so quick you barely have time to appreciate it. If only he'd beseech-ed some of his expertise onto this sci-fi deflation.
How do you get a movie full of people I love (seriously, I love every actor here in pretty much everything else they've ever done) and have me not enjoy it? Easy. Be lazy. Paul might never have lived up to the expectations of the Edgar Wright movies, but it could at least have been a fitting tribute to sci-fi enthusiasts everywhere, and not just enforcing a suit and cool guy's interpretation of what a nerd is.
What happened to you, Simon? You used to not be cool.
Monday 19 August 2013
Mitchell Monday: Rape and Pillage
David touches on a very real issue - how rape is being downplayed in today's society as a minor offence committed by the lovably mischievous - in a funny, smart and in no way intense way. He should be everyone's hero.
Friday 16 August 2013
CM Punk's Grammar Slam
Hey, look at me, not putting up a proper entry in the week! What else is new? Luckily, I have the entire weekend off for the first time in over a month, so there's literally no excuse as to why I couldn't have a review up by the end of the week. And speaking of "literally"...
Allow me to introduce you to CM Punk. He's a professional wrestler for the WWE, but that isn't really important in this context. He's something of a grammar snob, and he's also pretty quick to anger, which has lead to the folks at Nerdist creating this short, wonderful series, highlighting typical grammatical errors seen on the web. I'll leave you to them, since there isn't much to analyse. Unless me laugh and clapping like an idiot counts as sufficient analysis.
Allow me to introduce you to CM Punk. He's a professional wrestler for the WWE, but that isn't really important in this context. He's something of a grammar snob, and he's also pretty quick to anger, which has lead to the folks at Nerdist creating this short, wonderful series, highlighting typical grammatical errors seen on the web. I'll leave you to them, since there isn't much to analyse. Unless me laugh and clapping like an idiot counts as sufficient analysis.
Tuesday 13 August 2013
Mitchell Monday: Tastes
Specifically, our takes on the tastes of others, and why are more willing to accept some opinions more readily than others. Or, at least we think we are. Really, you're not being subjective and accepting at all. You're just being smug and superior.
Thursday 8 August 2013
Alien vs. Aliens: Weaver big problem on our hands!
Yeah, I brought my A game with that title.
The 1979 smash hit Alien is regarded as both one of the greatest sci-fi films and one of the greatest horror films of all time. Creating one of the most iconic movie characters ever, the combination of Dan O'Bannon's idea, H.R Giger's design and Ridley Scott's execution, Alien set the bar for sci-fi horror skyrocketing, at a height that has been sparsely troubled since. In fact, many believe there's only one film that has managed to surpass it in the 34 years since its release. It's sequel, James Cameron's 1986 creation, aptly titled Aliens. The debate over which is the superior film is fierce, with wars going on in various comic-cons to this day. Which film deserves the crown, Scott's slow paced masterclass in tension, or Cameron's pulse rifle pounding, action packed extravaganza? It's a tricky one. Let's open this freaky looking egg up and take a look.
WHY ALIEN IS AWESOME
There isn't much I'll give a movie more credit for than effectively building tension. It's why I think the first half of The Shining is better than the second half, and why anyone who doesn't like The Blair Witch Project is dumb and needs to stop having hamster mothers. Alien is up there with The Exorcist and Psycho as one of the films that most successfully implements this into its atmosphere. We all know about chest bursting, but come on, was that just not the most perfect scene in cinematic history? The story as a whole holds up brilliantly as well, and doesn't appear dated in the slightest, bar the occasional chunky computer.
The story works because it doesn't get bogged down in the sci-fi, allowing the pros of film-making to mesh seamlessly with beloved nerdy tropes, allowing for something that everyone can enjoy and, more importantly, not feel ashamed about enjoying it. Compare that to two films that get it too far in either direction. 2001: A Space Odyssey, that is hailed by people who know who Joss Whedon is as one of the greatest films of all time, but has struggled to gain recognition from casual movie fanatics due to its ambiguous messages. And on the other side, you have a film like Prometheus, whose nostalgic jargon was a hit with the folks with nostalgia glasses, but found the sci-fi nuts less wavering, seeing through to the awful characterisation and unnecessary shoehorning of dumb space monsters. Alien is a patient mans film which rewards you handsomely for taking the time to get to know the characters, the environment and the enemy, with shocks and suspense as your ultimate payment.
WHY ALIENS IS ALSO AWESOME
If Alien is a thinking mans film, Aliens is a doing mans film. Cameron builds superbly on the original, realising that the initial fear and angst of that one alien killing those idiots on a spaceship is gone, and the only logical step forward from that is to have a bunch of aliens kill a bunch of idiots that appear to be much tougher! The biggest difference in these humans is, of course, that you want to see them die. Hoo boy, do you want them to die. The first scene where they are introduced is like a cheese board of stereotypically unlikable characters. There's no pitiful redshirt scrub here, at least not initially. Everyone here is going down, and it's a glorious thing to realise. It's one of the biggest differences between Aliens and its predecessor is development of characters. Aliens has a much larger cast than Alien, and unfortunately that means sacrificing a lot of what made the original so spectacular, the fact that every character was an individual and you honestly thought any of them could have survived and it wouldn't have seemed out of place. Aliens has plenty more stock characters, but in its defense, Ellen Ripley is still written astutely, as is new character Carter Burke, the slimy researcher who you can never quite tell whose side he's on.
The extra seven years in technological advancements is an advantage not gone un-taken by Aliens over its predecessor, with effects that still look impressive to this day. The scene featuring the first appearance of the Queen is still one of the most disturbing cinema moments I have ever witnessed, and the shots of several aliens charging towards their target are shots you can't help but feel would be impossible in the original, with the alien moving robotically, and, let's be honest, barely at all. Weirdly, however, it's this film that appears to show its age to a greater extent than the 1979 original, notably the space shuttle costing $42 million dollars. Really? Football players cost more than that. There's also the occasional stupid moment. The scene with Ripley in a mechsuit fighting the Queen is great, yeah yeah yeah , but do you remember how it starts? The Queen takes the lift up to the landing dock. THE QUEEN. TAKES. THE LIFT. HOW IS THIS NOT HILARIOUS.
So which do I prefer? Alien. It's the more sensible film and succeeds more on its own merits rather than using some Hollywood blueprint. I love and respect Aliens, but at times it feels too much like an over-the-top B-movie, which would be fine, except it takes itself far too seriously to be accepted as that. It wants to be compared to the original, and that's a battle it just isn't gonna win. Aliens is a great sci-fi horror movie. Alien is goddamn Alien.
The 1979 smash hit Alien is regarded as both one of the greatest sci-fi films and one of the greatest horror films of all time. Creating one of the most iconic movie characters ever, the combination of Dan O'Bannon's idea, H.R Giger's design and Ridley Scott's execution, Alien set the bar for sci-fi horror skyrocketing, at a height that has been sparsely troubled since. In fact, many believe there's only one film that has managed to surpass it in the 34 years since its release. It's sequel, James Cameron's 1986 creation, aptly titled Aliens. The debate over which is the superior film is fierce, with wars going on in various comic-cons to this day. Which film deserves the crown, Scott's slow paced masterclass in tension, or Cameron's pulse rifle pounding, action packed extravaganza? It's a tricky one. Let's open this freaky looking egg up and take a look.
WHY ALIEN IS AWESOME
There isn't much I'll give a movie more credit for than effectively building tension. It's why I think the first half of The Shining is better than the second half, and why anyone who doesn't like The Blair Witch Project is dumb and needs to stop having hamster mothers. Alien is up there with The Exorcist and Psycho as one of the films that most successfully implements this into its atmosphere. We all know about chest bursting, but come on, was that just not the most perfect scene in cinematic history? The story as a whole holds up brilliantly as well, and doesn't appear dated in the slightest, bar the occasional chunky computer.
The story works because it doesn't get bogged down in the sci-fi, allowing the pros of film-making to mesh seamlessly with beloved nerdy tropes, allowing for something that everyone can enjoy and, more importantly, not feel ashamed about enjoying it. Compare that to two films that get it too far in either direction. 2001: A Space Odyssey, that is hailed by people who know who Joss Whedon is as one of the greatest films of all time, but has struggled to gain recognition from casual movie fanatics due to its ambiguous messages. And on the other side, you have a film like Prometheus, whose nostalgic jargon was a hit with the folks with nostalgia glasses, but found the sci-fi nuts less wavering, seeing through to the awful characterisation and unnecessary shoehorning of dumb space monsters. Alien is a patient mans film which rewards you handsomely for taking the time to get to know the characters, the environment and the enemy, with shocks and suspense as your ultimate payment.
WHY ALIENS IS ALSO AWESOME
If Alien is a thinking mans film, Aliens is a doing mans film. Cameron builds superbly on the original, realising that the initial fear and angst of that one alien killing those idiots on a spaceship is gone, and the only logical step forward from that is to have a bunch of aliens kill a bunch of idiots that appear to be much tougher! The biggest difference in these humans is, of course, that you want to see them die. Hoo boy, do you want them to die. The first scene where they are introduced is like a cheese board of stereotypically unlikable characters. There's no pitiful redshirt scrub here, at least not initially. Everyone here is going down, and it's a glorious thing to realise. It's one of the biggest differences between Aliens and its predecessor is development of characters. Aliens has a much larger cast than Alien, and unfortunately that means sacrificing a lot of what made the original so spectacular, the fact that every character was an individual and you honestly thought any of them could have survived and it wouldn't have seemed out of place. Aliens has plenty more stock characters, but in its defense, Ellen Ripley is still written astutely, as is new character Carter Burke, the slimy researcher who you can never quite tell whose side he's on.
The extra seven years in technological advancements is an advantage not gone un-taken by Aliens over its predecessor, with effects that still look impressive to this day. The scene featuring the first appearance of the Queen is still one of the most disturbing cinema moments I have ever witnessed, and the shots of several aliens charging towards their target are shots you can't help but feel would be impossible in the original, with the alien moving robotically, and, let's be honest, barely at all. Weirdly, however, it's this film that appears to show its age to a greater extent than the 1979 original, notably the space shuttle costing $42 million dollars. Really? Football players cost more than that. There's also the occasional stupid moment. The scene with Ripley in a mechsuit fighting the Queen is great, yeah yeah yeah , but do you remember how it starts? The Queen takes the lift up to the landing dock. THE QUEEN. TAKES. THE LIFT. HOW IS THIS NOT HILARIOUS.
So which do I prefer? Alien. It's the more sensible film and succeeds more on its own merits rather than using some Hollywood blueprint. I love and respect Aliens, but at times it feels too much like an over-the-top B-movie, which would be fine, except it takes itself far too seriously to be accepted as that. It wants to be compared to the original, and that's a battle it just isn't gonna win. Aliens is a great sci-fi horror movie. Alien is goddamn Alien.
Tuesday 6 August 2013
Mitchell Monday: American Language
This is David's most popular video, where he brings up the age old argument of the changes in language between Blighty and Yank central. I'd advise staying away from the comments section, that way lies madness.
Friday 2 August 2013
Brook Worm: Gameswipe
And I'm back. I arrived home about two hours ago, and to be quite honest, I'm too exhausted to post a full blog today. But because Monday was a long time ago, I'll wet your whistle with a with another video from the almighty Charlie Brooker. This time, he focuses on gaming, and the trials and tribulations it faces in the world of the media. It's a bit general for my liking, and seems to target non-gamers more than anyone else, sort of fulfilling its own prophecy, but it's hilarious and interesting and we all get to laugh at 50 Cent.
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